On the first semester of A.Y. 2010-2011, the elections for the new set of board executives and batch representatives of every academic organizations present in our institute were held. I ran for office as first year representative and unfortunately, I lost. But from that point until now (even if I don’t go to school anymore) I have become very careful with my words, decisions and actions. Heck, my face was on posters and banners, and the pictures on Facebook still exist! I was very open to the public’s scrutiny and even though my candidacy only covered two degree programs that was comprised by less than 400 students. There were random people nodding and saying hi to me, a lot of students were (and are) adding me on Facebook, and all those kind of things. We were all under the spotlight for two weeks. All of that and more changed a big portion of my perspective about people, and about myself as well.
It was not exactly my first time to be trash talked, to be made issues about, to be hated by almost the whole class (my opponent was my classmate, by the way, who was also the class president). However, it was my first time to deal with people who were claiming they were mature enough (they were my seniors) but they definitely were not. I believe they found it very easy to make two personalities clash because of bad rumors since we were rookies, and make that clash yield severe damage to my party.
My opponent was told that I was talking bad about her during my campaign, telling students that they should not vote for her because she was this and that, and that I was the better choice. It was very surprising for me that she believed all that without even talking to me about it, mainly because I considered her as a friend. So scenes were made inside the classroom and she refused to talk to me even after the said elections. And since because she was the friendlier one, more than half of the class was on her side, and only one friend, Maple, stayed with me…basically because she had no choice, hee hee. 😀 And the rest *oh I love these people* was a mixture of people who simply didn’t care and those who decided not to take anyone’s side.
During those times, I was not able to be myself, to express whatever I was feeling freely. Whatever I did, be it good or bad, they never failed to give their own unsolicited opinions. Like if my performance in a certain class was great, they would say it’s either I just got lucky, or I was just trying to change the conversation. But if I did poorly, I would hear stuff like “that’s what I deserved.” I was actually going to write here that because of that I simply faded into the background, but as I try to remember everything, I realize I didn’t. They would talk about me on Facebook, they would roll their eyes and/or start whispering whenever I walk into the room, or whenever I go in front of the class. I used to be their go-to girl, until it all happened, I became their last resort. [Can I just mention this “guy” who was one of those who were so damn affected by the rift that happened that he ignored me almost the whole semester? There were times in English class when he had to translate some words into English for certain written activities and he asked my seatmate if she could do it for him. I bet he did that on purpose, because my seatmate was a little dependent on me in that class, and that would mean I will be doing the translation if she couldn’t do it by herself. Oh, and during the semester after that, he indirectly shouts ‘BITCH!’ at us whenever he saw us.] They even gave me a nickname! And how did I know? It started with the famous female intuition, and then I had my own investigation on Facebook. This social networking site really does wonders, doesn’t it?
Anyway, that experience was really hard. I felt sad and angry all at once. I cried a number of times and hoped and wished that on the following day, everything would just go back to how it all was before the elections. I even came to the point when everything just felt too heavy that I regretted that candidacy.
During that semester, I felt like I was tiptoeing, not in the dark, but in the light of day. It felt like I was in a department store, in the glassware section, and I always had to look and go nowhere but straight ahead, if I didn’t want to start breaking glasses. So to avoid any more of that, there was only one solution for me and friend: to go with the flow of the tide. We’re both the happy-go-lucky type but that time we had to play by the rules of the society we were moving in. I felt nervous every time she showed up late in school because I was scared to be alone. It was hard for the both of us to miss classes (even if we had to) because no one is going to look after the other. Whenever one of us really had to miss school, the other was always left with three difficult choices: (1) be alone, (2) hang out with those who don’t want to hang out with you, and (3) just miss classes as well.
And then there we were, two more puppets of the society.
But despite everything that happened, God still was so freaking awesome to let all differences be settled. So broken ties were tied again before the semester ended. The knots were just not as strong as they were before; the ship did not sink, but it was absolutely damaged; the paper was not thrown away, although its edges were all torn.
Yes I came to the point of regretting that candidacy, but I also regretted regretting it. That candidacy..those two weeks.. They mean a lot to me. They have taught me a lot of things and I’m definitely not going to trade that experience to anything in the world. Especially those people who I spent most of those two weeks with.
You know, the relationships that we made were not restored back to its original state. I was friends with my opponent again, but we did not hang out as much as we did before after we reconciled. But that’s a whole lot better than being enemies, right? I became cool (even friends with some, actually!) a with all those who threw bad words at me. The semester after that, Maple and I’s bond became stronger and then Faith came into the scene, and so we’re three. 🙂
One of the things this experience made me realize is that not a single person on Earth can define you, but yourself. We let the society tell us who we were for months but we were wrong. It’s okay to surrender the fight once in a while, to wave the white flag first, as long as you are determined to stand by your beliefs no matter what even if you’re not in the battlefield anymore. We should also know how to compromise, how to apologize and how to forgive. Say the person did not exactly say he or she was sorry, but as long as their actions say so, as long as they don’t do to you whatever they did to you before, don’t be a bitch and insist that you’re the victim and that you deserve a proper apology. Not everyone is good at saying sorry, you know, but at least they’re trying to make it up to you. If you’ve read a previous post of mine (4-Point Rant), you’d know I’m one of those who are not good at saying sorry, and no, I am not proud of it. And last but not the least, we should all stop giving the final judgment after hearing rumors. Let’s not forget that lies spread faster than the truth, and that those lies are as fake as the person who told them to you. So try to do a little background check, don’t let impulsiveness get in the way. Talk to the person(s) involved and settle the problem like matured human beings, not like wild chimpanzees in the jungle. Because if you feel like you were hurt, keep in mind that the other person is thrice as hurt as you.