Puppet of the Society

On the first semester of A.Y. 2010-2011, the elections for the new set of board executives and batch representatives of every academic organizations present in our institute were held. I ran for office as first year representative and unfortunately, I lost. But from that point until now (even if I don’t go to school anymore) I have become very careful with my words, decisions and actions. Heck, my face was on posters and banners, and the pictures on Facebook still exist! I was very open to the public’s scrutiny and even though my candidacy only covered two degree programs that was comprised by less than 400 students. There were random people nodding and saying hi to me, a lot of students were (and are) adding me on Facebook, and all those kind of things. We were all under the spotlight for two weeks. All of that and more changed a big portion of my perspective about people, and about myself as well.

It was not exactly my first time to be trash talked, to be made issues about, to be hated by almost the whole class (my opponent was my classmate, by the way, who was also the class president). However, it was my first time to deal with people who were claiming they were mature enough (they were my seniors) but they definitely were not. I believe they found it very easy to make two personalities clash because of bad rumors since we were rookies, and make that clash yield severe damage to my party.
My opponent was told that I was talking bad about her during my campaign, telling students that they should not vote for her because she was this and that, and that I was the better choice. It was very surprising for me that she believed all that without even talking to me about it, mainly because I considered her as a friend. So scenes were made inside the classroom and she refused to talk to me even after the said elections. And since because she was the friendlier one, more than half of the class was on her side, and only one friend, Maple, stayed with me…basically because she had no choice, hee hee. 😀 And the rest *oh I love these people* was a mixture of people who simply didn’t care and those who decided not to take anyone’s side.

Maple, Me & The Opponent, Bea. 😀

During those times, I was not able to be myself, to express whatever I was feeling freely. Whatever I did, be it good or bad, they never failed to give their own unsolicited opinions. Like if my performance in a certain class was great, they would say it’s either I just got lucky, or  I was just trying to change the conversation. But if I did poorly, I would hear stuff like “that’s what I deserved.” I was actually going to write here that because of that I simply faded into the background, but as I try to remember everything, I realize I didn’t. They would talk about me on Facebook, they would roll their eyes and/or start whispering whenever I walk into the room, or whenever I go in front of the class. I used to be their go-to girl, until it all happened, I became their last resort. [Can I just mention this “guy” who was one of those who were so damn affected by the rift that happened that he ignored me almost the whole semester? There were times in English class when he had to translate some words into English for certain written activities and he asked my seatmate if she could do it for him. I bet he did that on purpose, because my seatmate was a little dependent on me in that class, and that would mean I will be doing the translation if she couldn’t do it by herself. Oh, and during the semester after that, he indirectly shouts ‘BITCH!’ at us whenever he saw us.] They even gave me a nickname! And how did I know? It started with the famous female intuition, and then I had my own investigation on Facebook. This social networking site really does wonders, doesn’t it?

this was how close we used to be

Anyway, that experience was really hard. I felt sad and angry all at once. I cried a number of times and hoped and wished that on the following day, everything would just go back to how it all was before the elections. I even came to the point when everything just felt too heavy that I regretted that candidacy.
During that semester, I felt like I was tiptoeing, not in the dark, but in the light of day. It felt like I was in a department store, in the glassware section, and I always had to look and go nowhere but straight ahead, if I didn’t want to start breaking glasses.  So to avoid any more of that, there was only one solution for me and friend: to go with the flow of the tide. We’re both the happy-go-lucky type but that time we had to play by the rules of the society we were moving in. I felt nervous every time she showed up late in school because I was scared to be alone. It was hard for the both of us to miss classes (even if we had to) because no one is going to look after the other. Whenever one of us really had to miss school, the other was always left with three difficult choices: (1) be alone, (2) hang out with those who don’t want to hang out with you, and (3) just miss classes as well.
And then there we were, two more puppets of the society.

My running mates & our campaign manager

The Election Day

But despite everything that happened, God still was so freaking awesome to let all differences be settled. So broken ties were tied again before the semester ended. The knots were just not as strong as they were before; the ship did not sink, but it was absolutely damaged; the paper was not thrown away, although its edges were all torn.
Yes I came to the point of regretting that candidacy, but I also regretted regretting it. That candidacy..those two weeks.. They mean a lot to me. They have taught me a lot of things and I’m definitely not going to trade that experience to anything in the world. Especially those people who I spent most of those two weeks with.
You know, the relationships that we made were not restored back to its original state. I was friends with my opponent again, but we did not hang out as much as we did before after we reconciled. But that’s a whole lot better than being enemies, right? I became cool (even friends with some, actually!) a with all those who threw  bad words at me. The semester after that, Maple and I’s bond became stronger and then Faith came into the scene, and so we’re three. 🙂

Me & Maple 😀

One of the things this experience made me realize is that not a single person on Earth can define you, but yourself. We let the society tell us who we were for months but we were wrong. It’s okay to surrender the fight once in a while, to wave the white flag first, as long as you are determined to stand by your beliefs no matter what even if you’re not in the battlefield anymore. We should also know how to compromise, how to apologize and how to forgive.  Say the person did not exactly say he or she was sorry, but as long as their actions say so, as long as they don’t do to you whatever they did to you before, don’t be a bitch and insist that you’re the victim and that you deserve a proper apology. Not everyone is good at saying sorry, you know, but at least they’re trying to make it up to you. If you’ve read a previous post of mine (4-Point Rant), you’d know I’m one of those who are not good at saying sorry, and no, I am not proud of it.  And last but not the least, we should all stop giving the final judgment after hearing rumors. Let’s not forget that lies spread faster than the truth, and that those lies are as fake as the person who told them to you. So try to do a little background check, don’t let impulsiveness get in the way. Talk to the person(s) involved and settle the problem like matured human beings, not like wild chimpanzees in the jungle. Because if you feel like you were hurt, keep in mind that the other person is thrice as hurt as you.

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I Don’t Know What To Put Here. #3

Impressive. My I Don’t Know What To Put Here “series” has reached number three. How many times more will I find it hard to think of a freaking title for a single, freaking blog post?

Anyway, today is October 26th and it marks the first day of my mission, which is to sleep early and to wake up early. Well today, it wasn’t that successful. I slept at approximately 12:30am and woke up at 4:04am. That was faaaaaaaast. But I went out of bed anyway because if I won’t, I’d just get back pains for lying down too long. So when I went outside my room, our maid was already doing breakfast (and lunch that was to be packed) for the kids. I ate with them, glorifying God for ending the past two excruciating weeks of pain and sorrow, of missing chicken meat, egg and seafood. Meeeeeh. Definitely not true but I still was very happy because of it! 😀 So I stayed up until…8:30am. And then I woke up by 3pm! Gaaaaaaah.. ~.~ But I’m getting there, I guess. This bloody body clock is easy to manipulate, I just have to be patient. 😀

Aside from my messed up body clock, I also helped my nephew do his project. His teacher asked them to make Christmas decorations made from recycled materials. It was freaking hard because we almost have no materials that can be recycled into Christmas decors. So I decided to use my own money (which I’m going to make my brother (his dad) to pay me) to buy materials instead from the nearest store so we could have some stuff to use.

Materials we used

My idea was to create snowmen on a white platform with trees around them. I also wanted to use cotton as the snow on the “ground.” Then I wanted to make it glittery to make it seem happy since Christmas is about happiness. Well I know, it’s not my project but hey, my nephew let me do it anyway! 😀

We're almost there...

Obviously, my idea was working BUT it was n’t working well. But we continued doing what we started anyway.

While I was busy trying to finish the stuff, my brother was playing with what’s left of the styro-board. I tried to tell him not to make any more mess, but you know how boys are…

Voila! 😀

It was ugly, I know but what can we do? We aren’t artistic people. At least it looks decent. And it looks like it was made by a fifth grader!!! Hahahaha 😀

B------- what?!

Well yeah, sorry for those offended. But me, my brother and my nephew call each other bitches for fun. The word doesn’t mean anything at all for us so we’re not scolded for using it. 😀 And yes, Family Guy is to blame. We love that freaking show!

So yeah. That should be it. I must go already. But I shall post something sensible soon. Au revoir! :*

P.S. Don’t you think this snowman is happy and gay? 😀

Dreams.

I always get the weirdest of dreams. My dreams are always so weird, I feel like they have no interpretation at all.
And they feel so real! It was like watching a movie with me as the lead actor. I don’t see every single stuff yet it’s all in my mind; like even if I haven’t seen each scene I know them already. *I wish I am making sense over here.* There are even times when I feel like my mind is working… *Okay, I am not making any sense now*

I dreamed that my friend (I cannot remember when was this) was a time traveler. I guess it’s because of that show she told me about… Dr. Who. So yeah, she was a time traveler right? When I woke up I read the note she left me. It said something like this: “Take care of my work while I’m gone. I’m off to the Future.” So in my dream she was some sort of a clothing designer. There were several clothing pieces on her bed and I was supposed to make an inventory of all of those. And then in her room there were local celebrities dancing inside! Yes, in my dream we were living together. I was some sort of an apprentice of hers. And our house was the warehouse type because it was spacious and every wall’s in colour gray. Then *poof*! My sister woke me up to eat lunch.

Then this morning I dreamed of myself with some girls from my elementary school. The place looked like it was a retreat house. Girls and guys were separated from each other, except during meal time & activity time. The activities seemed like some sort of a Dating Game. And…the next day I wore a white dress…and a neon green bra underneath. My old friends from elementary school told me I should do something about it because my bra was very obvious. I was about to go to my room and get myself an undershirt when….I woke up. Darn.

Okay so I had an afternoon nap today and my dream went like this:

I was freaking pregnant!!! I was all so worried how to tell my family because they didn’t know and so did the guy. I was worried about my future, about the migration, about everything! In my dream I lived in a different house, with new family members. I had this evil-new-sister and she’s pregnant too. She’s like, determined to tell everyone about my secret. Damn. That would be the end of me!!! Thank goodness it was just a dream. ~.~

4-Point Rant

I believe this but I also believe that is not how it’s supposed to be. The mere act of saying sorry is fine and swift and we could all attest to that. So how did it become hard? In my opinion, saying sorry becomes hard when the mistake you did was way too heavy and serious that it’s either you get so ashamed about it that you rather not talk, or your pride just got the better of you.
Last Wednesday,  it happened to me. I did something wrong that wasn’t too big of a deal, but what made it seem like I killed someone was I didn’t say sorry. And to be honest, it was my pride that ate me whole. I knew I was wrong but half of my mind said it was such a petty thing for my sister to be mad about. The other half said I should make it up to her and then tell her I’m sorry. Oh man, too bad I chickened out.

I’m not that religious but I still try to do my responsibilities as a Catholic. But I just cannot take the Bible and embed my whole life in it. Just like what my sister told me, humans wrote it, not God himself. And yes, she’s right. The Bible is a compilation of accounts of various people who witnessed what happened way back then. Most of them, if not all, were the disciples of the Lord , but even so, they were still ordinary people with ordinary eyes that might have seen extraordinary things. Let’s not forget that different people/witnesses = different interpretation. Heck, the bible has been existing for so many years, who knows how much of its content had been altered? I believe the Bible is meant to inspire us to take the road God wants us to, and not to totally live for all the things it says. So yeah, this isn’t about the Bible. My point is, your faith in God should not depend on your faith in the Church. Why? Let me give you five:

  1.  With or without the Church, God will remain forever and always. (whichever’s longer)
  2. The Church is a freaking structure.
  3. Not everyone who comprises it is good. There are priests, (specifically, I don’t know about nuns) and other “Church-people” who kill, commit adultery, do money laundering and God knows what else. Yes they’re mere human like us and they’re no exemption to sins but hey, they’ve got their vows right?
  4. In countries like the Philippines, the Church could sometimes be all-mouths. You know, they say “no” to most projects or bills being debated in the Senate and yet they don’t do anything to help those people who are supposed to be benefiting from the projects/bills.
  5. How can you ever entirely trust an entity that did hundreds, if not thousands, of unforgivable things just to take control of the Seat of Power? They used to believe they could buy their way to heaven, for goodness sake!
  • I miss going to Tumblr but…
I miss going to Tumblr but I just can’t get back to it because it doesn’t make me productive as much as I want to. There’s always something that will distract you. Plus, Tumblr could sometimes be like Facebook made worse. I just hate all the drama there. I know Tumblr is supposed to be a blogging site, where you cant vent your feelings all you want, but can’t you just please keep that shit to yourself and stop bothering us? Another is the Reblog Spree. There’s just too many fancy things circulating around your Dashboard and it sucks because your blog will be full of freaking reblogs and not actualy wordy blogs! UGH. It sucks even more because all you can do is reblog the things you can never visit, food you can never eat, things you can never have, and men you can never kiss. Reminds you of what an ugly, poor thing you are. Third thing that makes me not to go back is the followers. Before I left Tumblr, I had like 300+ of them, but the last time I checked, the number has declined to just 290+. I guess it’s the rule of most Tumblr users. If you don’t update your blog in a week or two, you’re off the list, NOT UNLESS you’re a Tumblr Crush then you’re exempted and you’re very much welcome to go in hiatus and still gain followers. What a life! Sometimes, these people following your blog could be Ghost-like because you know they’re there and they only make contact with you unless they willed to.

It’s the 21st already and there are only 11 days left until NaNoWriMo 2011 starts and I am already getting the jitters! I am not completely ready yet because I still need to gather a lot of information and ideas, think of a proper ending, an attention-getter title and a book cover! This is definitely going to be hard and my hopes are slowly going down. Like from the start I believed i myself that I could definitely do it, but now I’m like “50,000 words are just too many!” Also, I am going to be a bridesmaid next month in my cousin’s wedding! Can’t you just imagine how much words are at stake because I have to spend a couple of days preparing for her big day? Man… But whatever happens, I’m going to do NaNo and I’m going to finish my novel just as planned! \m/