30th of 30

The last day of the countdown has come, and my heart is still wishing for some magic to happen. Which is weird. See, I checked out the countdown on my blog and I saw the number 4. In my mind I was like, “my blog seems to tell me otherwise. Oh well, at least there’s someTHING out there who doesn’t want me to go just yet.”

I seriously thought it said 4 days.

Then I realized, I put the wrong time on the countdown widget. So I decided to edit it and here’s the updated screencap of it:

Now I have 15 hours left until 5pm here, the time we’re going to the airport.

I feel so stupid about that 4 hours thing. Haha!

So this is it. The final hours of my life here and it’s just sad. Everyone here feels sad, I can see that. Even my dog is unusually quiet. She doesn’t even want to be near me. Marco has been unusually silent too. He rarely talks to us anymore. I don’t know. Maybe it’s their way of coping up since we’re going to have to be away from them for a long time. And I don’t blame them. I, myself, don’t want to go. I’d rather be here with them. For always.

But of course, some decisions don’t always have to come from us. Sometimes, some people have to make them for you because they see something brighter on the other end for you.

My readers all know my feelings about the move, so I won’t bore you guys with that.

Anyway, we had a farewell party last Wednesday. It was basically the first time I’ve almost reached the point of drunkenness. And it was bad. Also, I had a lot of friends (although some really disappointed me…) who came and spent time with me on my last (?) party here in Manila and they all made me so happy! But… When we took pictures, I forgot that the memory card’s not inserted! So the pictures were definitely saved in the internal memory of the camera and I don’t have a USB cable for it. Great job.

Then after a few hours, all these rashes started to come out and my whole body felt so itchy! It was mad, so I took one celestamine. The itching went away but the red rashes remained until the following day.

Yesterday, Mark brought John, Marco, and I to this eatery that was located beside our old home. They sell rice congee and pork and tofu (rice congee’s best partner), and they have the best recipe in town. 😀 Well I honestly requested that one. Because the last time I ate there was…say 10 or 11 years ago. With my Dad. So I wanted to create another memory in that place, this time with my boys. 🙂 And the experience was really good! I have definitely forgotten how great tasting their congee and their special mix of soy sauce, vinegar and other stuff. In my head I was like, “I should have asked them to bring me here long ago!”

After that, we went home and started packing. Panic packing was really hard and heart breaking. I was clueless because I didn’t know which ones to bring and which ones to leave! I wanted to bring all my clothes, and all my bags, and all my perfumes, but since we have a limit, I can’t. So I turned my blind eye on and left most of my perfumes, most of my clothes, AND 3/4 OF MY BAG COLLECTION.

They were all like, “You can always buy another this, another that in the States!”. But guys, I collected those things for years and most of them really have sentimental value.

*sob…sob*

But of course, nothing is more heart breaking than having to leave the life you love for the life that’s waiting for you on the other side of the world. I just hope that things will get better and that we’ll get through all the pain this distance will bring us.

Right now, all I have to focus on is how could I grow up a bit more faster. John needs a person bigger than him that he could look up to. And if that bigger person can’t be me, I don’t know who else he could turn to. He’s my responsibility now and I am not sure if I am ready to let this new chapter of our lives materialize already.

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4 thoughts on “30th of 30

  1. OMG Jess, I can’t believe that as I write this you will be on your way to a new life. Keep hold of your memories, cherish them and let them comfort you. Don’t be scared of the future. It will be amazing. You are amazing! I’m so excited for you but I also know how hard this is for you. I’m impressed that you managed to leave so many of your handbags behind 😉 The distance will cause pain but it with love it will all be ok. I wish you nothing but happiness, love and a bright, starry future xx

    • Hey Yas! Sorry I wasn’t able to reply to your comment right away.

      Thank you for all your kind, beautiful, and encouraging words. Will definitely keep them in mind! And yes, I will never let go of those memories and all the good things I’ve learned in my 17 years of living in the Phils. Not only they would keep me sane, they will definitely keep my values intact. I mean, USA is totally different to my homeland culture wise, so I feel like I’m lucky enough to come here armed with the wisdom and values that I’m definitely going to need.

      And yes, leaving all my handbags and clothes is so heart breaking, haha! Anyway, how’s it going over there? 😀

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