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Monday comes like a loaded gun and I’m trying to escape… ♪♫

-Michelle Branch, Getaway

Me and my family went out of the city last Monday to accomplish 3 things: (1) visit our dad’s grave, (2) check out our other house in the province, and (3) visit Tagaytay City and pray. ♥ And Tagaytay was the perfect breather!

All of these photos were taken with a Nikon digital camera. The person who took them doesn’t feel like a photographer. She just wanted to take pictures. Damn it.

I never enjoyed Tagaytay City as much as I did before; I was at my happiest! I guess the happiness that you feel is a million times greater whenever you’re with the people you love the most. For the first time, I didn’t care about how I looked in the pictures (because I always do), about how loud we were, about how crazy and weird we all were… All I knew was I was with the greatest people I could ever have in my life…the people I don’t, and will never, regret having: my family. I would like to believe that God let us spend that day without any hassle so we could enjoy our last trip together at that place to the maximum. Thank you Father! It definitely meant so much to us. ♥

Anyway, today we went to an eat-all-you-can restaurant called Yakimix at the Mall of Asia in Pasay City and we pigged out. Literally. They serve Japanese, Cantonese and Korean food and almost everything tasted amazing! The smokeless griller gave that sexy char taste and I loved it! No pictures though.I was too busy eating, sorry! 😀

Tomorrow, I am looking forward to see my brother play his music for the last time (at least for me) at an event at Sofitel. If I think I look pretty enough for my blog, I shall post pictures of me. Til then, good night and good morning. 🙂

Puppet of the Society

On the first semester of A.Y. 2010-2011, the elections for the new set of board executives and batch representatives of every academic organizations present in our institute were held. I ran for office as first year representative and unfortunately, I lost. But from that point until now (even if I don’t go to school anymore) I have become very careful with my words, decisions and actions. Heck, my face was on posters and banners, and the pictures on Facebook still exist! I was very open to the public’s scrutiny and even though my candidacy only covered two degree programs that was comprised by less than 400 students. There were random people nodding and saying hi to me, a lot of students were (and are) adding me on Facebook, and all those kind of things. We were all under the spotlight for two weeks. All of that and more changed a big portion of my perspective about people, and about myself as well.

It was not exactly my first time to be trash talked, to be made issues about, to be hated by almost the whole class (my opponent was my classmate, by the way, who was also the class president). However, it was my first time to deal with people who were claiming they were mature enough (they were my seniors) but they definitely were not. I believe they found it very easy to make two personalities clash because of bad rumors since we were rookies, and make that clash yield severe damage to my party.
My opponent was told that I was talking bad about her during my campaign, telling students that they should not vote for her because she was this and that, and that I was the better choice. It was very surprising for me that she believed all that without even talking to me about it, mainly because I considered her as a friend. So scenes were made inside the classroom and she refused to talk to me even after the said elections. And since because she was the friendlier one, more than half of the class was on her side, and only one friend, Maple, stayed with me…basically because she had no choice, hee hee. 😀 And the rest *oh I love these people* was a mixture of people who simply didn’t care and those who decided not to take anyone’s side.

Maple, Me & The Opponent, Bea. 😀

During those times, I was not able to be myself, to express whatever I was feeling freely. Whatever I did, be it good or bad, they never failed to give their own unsolicited opinions. Like if my performance in a certain class was great, they would say it’s either I just got lucky, or  I was just trying to change the conversation. But if I did poorly, I would hear stuff like “that’s what I deserved.” I was actually going to write here that because of that I simply faded into the background, but as I try to remember everything, I realize I didn’t. They would talk about me on Facebook, they would roll their eyes and/or start whispering whenever I walk into the room, or whenever I go in front of the class. I used to be their go-to girl, until it all happened, I became their last resort. [Can I just mention this “guy” who was one of those who were so damn affected by the rift that happened that he ignored me almost the whole semester? There were times in English class when he had to translate some words into English for certain written activities and he asked my seatmate if she could do it for him. I bet he did that on purpose, because my seatmate was a little dependent on me in that class, and that would mean I will be doing the translation if she couldn’t do it by herself. Oh, and during the semester after that, he indirectly shouts ‘BITCH!’ at us whenever he saw us.] They even gave me a nickname! And how did I know? It started with the famous female intuition, and then I had my own investigation on Facebook. This social networking site really does wonders, doesn’t it?

this was how close we used to be

Anyway, that experience was really hard. I felt sad and angry all at once. I cried a number of times and hoped and wished that on the following day, everything would just go back to how it all was before the elections. I even came to the point when everything just felt too heavy that I regretted that candidacy.
During that semester, I felt like I was tiptoeing, not in the dark, but in the light of day. It felt like I was in a department store, in the glassware section, and I always had to look and go nowhere but straight ahead, if I didn’t want to start breaking glasses.  So to avoid any more of that, there was only one solution for me and friend: to go with the flow of the tide. We’re both the happy-go-lucky type but that time we had to play by the rules of the society we were moving in. I felt nervous every time she showed up late in school because I was scared to be alone. It was hard for the both of us to miss classes (even if we had to) because no one is going to look after the other. Whenever one of us really had to miss school, the other was always left with three difficult choices: (1) be alone, (2) hang out with those who don’t want to hang out with you, and (3) just miss classes as well.
And then there we were, two more puppets of the society.

My running mates & our campaign manager

The Election Day

But despite everything that happened, God still was so freaking awesome to let all differences be settled. So broken ties were tied again before the semester ended. The knots were just not as strong as they were before; the ship did not sink, but it was absolutely damaged; the paper was not thrown away, although its edges were all torn.
Yes I came to the point of regretting that candidacy, but I also regretted regretting it. That candidacy..those two weeks.. They mean a lot to me. They have taught me a lot of things and I’m definitely not going to trade that experience to anything in the world. Especially those people who I spent most of those two weeks with.
You know, the relationships that we made were not restored back to its original state. I was friends with my opponent again, but we did not hang out as much as we did before after we reconciled. But that’s a whole lot better than being enemies, right? I became cool (even friends with some, actually!) a with all those who threw  bad words at me. The semester after that, Maple and I’s bond became stronger and then Faith came into the scene, and so we’re three. 🙂

Me & Maple 😀

One of the things this experience made me realize is that not a single person on Earth can define you, but yourself. We let the society tell us who we were for months but we were wrong. It’s okay to surrender the fight once in a while, to wave the white flag first, as long as you are determined to stand by your beliefs no matter what even if you’re not in the battlefield anymore. We should also know how to compromise, how to apologize and how to forgive.  Say the person did not exactly say he or she was sorry, but as long as their actions say so, as long as they don’t do to you whatever they did to you before, don’t be a bitch and insist that you’re the victim and that you deserve a proper apology. Not everyone is good at saying sorry, you know, but at least they’re trying to make it up to you. If you’ve read a previous post of mine (4-Point Rant), you’d know I’m one of those who are not good at saying sorry, and no, I am not proud of it.  And last but not the least, we should all stop giving the final judgment after hearing rumors. Let’s not forget that lies spread faster than the truth, and that those lies are as fake as the person who told them to you. So try to do a little background check, don’t let impulsiveness get in the way. Talk to the person(s) involved and settle the problem like matured human beings, not like wild chimpanzees in the jungle. Because if you feel like you were hurt, keep in mind that the other person is thrice as hurt as you.

4-Point Rant

I believe this but I also believe that is not how it’s supposed to be. The mere act of saying sorry is fine and swift and we could all attest to that. So how did it become hard? In my opinion, saying sorry becomes hard when the mistake you did was way too heavy and serious that it’s either you get so ashamed about it that you rather not talk, or your pride just got the better of you.
Last Wednesday,  it happened to me. I did something wrong that wasn’t too big of a deal, but what made it seem like I killed someone was I didn’t say sorry. And to be honest, it was my pride that ate me whole. I knew I was wrong but half of my mind said it was such a petty thing for my sister to be mad about. The other half said I should make it up to her and then tell her I’m sorry. Oh man, too bad I chickened out.

I’m not that religious but I still try to do my responsibilities as a Catholic. But I just cannot take the Bible and embed my whole life in it. Just like what my sister told me, humans wrote it, not God himself. And yes, she’s right. The Bible is a compilation of accounts of various people who witnessed what happened way back then. Most of them, if not all, were the disciples of the Lord , but even so, they were still ordinary people with ordinary eyes that might have seen extraordinary things. Let’s not forget that different people/witnesses = different interpretation. Heck, the bible has been existing for so many years, who knows how much of its content had been altered? I believe the Bible is meant to inspire us to take the road God wants us to, and not to totally live for all the things it says. So yeah, this isn’t about the Bible. My point is, your faith in God should not depend on your faith in the Church. Why? Let me give you five:

  1.  With or without the Church, God will remain forever and always. (whichever’s longer)
  2. The Church is a freaking structure.
  3. Not everyone who comprises it is good. There are priests, (specifically, I don’t know about nuns) and other “Church-people” who kill, commit adultery, do money laundering and God knows what else. Yes they’re mere human like us and they’re no exemption to sins but hey, they’ve got their vows right?
  4. In countries like the Philippines, the Church could sometimes be all-mouths. You know, they say “no” to most projects or bills being debated in the Senate and yet they don’t do anything to help those people who are supposed to be benefiting from the projects/bills.
  5. How can you ever entirely trust an entity that did hundreds, if not thousands, of unforgivable things just to take control of the Seat of Power? They used to believe they could buy their way to heaven, for goodness sake!
  • I miss going to Tumblr but…
I miss going to Tumblr but I just can’t get back to it because it doesn’t make me productive as much as I want to. There’s always something that will distract you. Plus, Tumblr could sometimes be like Facebook made worse. I just hate all the drama there. I know Tumblr is supposed to be a blogging site, where you cant vent your feelings all you want, but can’t you just please keep that shit to yourself and stop bothering us? Another is the Reblog Spree. There’s just too many fancy things circulating around your Dashboard and it sucks because your blog will be full of freaking reblogs and not actualy wordy blogs! UGH. It sucks even more because all you can do is reblog the things you can never visit, food you can never eat, things you can never have, and men you can never kiss. Reminds you of what an ugly, poor thing you are. Third thing that makes me not to go back is the followers. Before I left Tumblr, I had like 300+ of them, but the last time I checked, the number has declined to just 290+. I guess it’s the rule of most Tumblr users. If you don’t update your blog in a week or two, you’re off the list, NOT UNLESS you’re a Tumblr Crush then you’re exempted and you’re very much welcome to go in hiatus and still gain followers. What a life! Sometimes, these people following your blog could be Ghost-like because you know they’re there and they only make contact with you unless they willed to.

It’s the 21st already and there are only 11 days left until NaNoWriMo 2011 starts and I am already getting the jitters! I am not completely ready yet because I still need to gather a lot of information and ideas, think of a proper ending, an attention-getter title and a book cover! This is definitely going to be hard and my hopes are slowly going down. Like from the start I believed i myself that I could definitely do it, but now I’m like “50,000 words are just too many!” Also, I am going to be a bridesmaid next month in my cousin’s wedding! Can’t you just imagine how much words are at stake because I have to spend a couple of days preparing for her big day? Man… But whatever happens, I’m going to do NaNo and I’m going to finish my novel just as planned! \m/

I don’t know what to put here. #2

CARAMEL MACCHIATO TO THE RESCUE.

So yesterday I was at my dentist’s clinic and it was a terrible, terrible experience. She was supposed to pull out my molars because they’re not healthy anymore if I’m going to have the lower set of my teeth fix-bridged. It was supposed to be a no-fuss (almost, well I hate anesthesia injections in the mouth) operation but it did become such because my gums were very swollen.

The following content would not be very suitable for some of you. It would be alright if you will not continue reading this entry.

For my dentist to be able to pull out the said teeth, she had to inject my gums ten shots (YES! TEN SHOTS!!!) of anesthesia. My jaw became very numb and thick, it was ugly. And despite those ten shots of anesthesia, I could still feel the pain caused by the pus inside the gums. Dr. Irish told me the pus was caused by the food I eat, specifically those fishy (malansa) ones like eggs, chicken, seafood. So… It really took them a while to finally pull out those teeth. It was my first time to ever spit blood with a tooth and a very vivid color. Gross.

Moving on from that one hell of a topic…

Today was very tiring! We went to the National Shrine of St. Jude Thaddeus here in Manila for the weekly novena my sister & her husband does to pray. They have been praying for a baby for a long time already and I felt how much they wanted one. But I know God will never fail them. 🙂
After that we headed to Green Hills Shopping Center but all stalls there were scheduled for reshuffling (if you’re from here, you’d understand) so after we visited their chapel (which we always do) we went to Robinson’s Galleria instead. We roamed a bit together but split in half (Sister + Hubby and Me + Mhia) later on for dinner. Today was also their pre-anniversary date, that’s why. The Podium, another mall, was nearby so we went there and window-shopped since it’s almost Christmas, YAY!!!! We also went to SM Megamall, but we passed through St. Francis Square on our way there. The picture above where  I was holding a venti cup of Caramel Macchiato, my favorite hot drink, was bought at Starbucks Megamall A Branch. YUMMY! 😀

Anyway… I realized I should start my research again for my *up & coming* novel.
Good night, lovely reader. 🙂 :-*