Where do I go from here?

A painting of the three Brontë sisters; from l...

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“Teens here in America, once they hit 18, they become independent of their parents. They move out of their homes because they have to.”

My mom always, always had a way to connect whatever our topic was to those lines. Well, I am not the type of person who likes to put malice on certain things people say. But when the migration thing came up, that line suddenly felt like a threat for me. Of course I disregarded it. I didn’t want to think about it. Until it was my sister who figured it out.

She said: “Mom kept on telling that to you because she has plans of kicking you out of their place once you’re legal. She and her husband don’t have plans of providing for you forever.

Of course. Of course that’s it. I felt so terrible because I knew it was true. I don’t find the idea entirely bad. But I am a Filipino. A Catholic Filipino. And we believe that a family is happier when they’re together. It’s just so sad. 😦 I couldn’t believe it right then.

So when I got to talk to my mom heart to heart, I told her, while crying, that if she’d let me, I’d like to stay with them until my brother turns 18. So when I move, he’ll move with me. I have adjustment issues and his are worse so if our mom don’t have plans of keeping an eye on him, I do. And I will.

When I told her that, she responded coldly with “No problem.” I thought if she responded differently, I could’ve proved my sister’s speculation wrong and I might’ve felt relieved. But she didn’t. I felt like I have read her through that phone conversation. All she wanted was to take us there, “secure our future” and once we’re legal, she’d ask us to separate from her.

Oh, why is this all so sad? 😦

Anyway, that’s the reason that’s why I check out various articles that might help me planning. I am trying to pick the correct degree I will take when I re-enter college. Or if should I re-enter college right away? I was also thinking of spending a year in High School first so my brother can have a friend in school. I am also thinking, where will we move next after Novato? Rent or pay mortgage? A house with three bedrooms and 2 baths is very idealistic. As well as living in Brooklyn, New York. I’d love to live there then eventually transfer to NYU.

I am thinking too much of things I am not even supposed to!